March 30, 2020

The guest list for Tristen and Kelli Jackson’s wedding at one point totaled 150.

Then, as the March 20 wedding date approached, conditions started changing by the day.

Gatherings became increasingly limited in an effort to slow the spread of COVID-19.

“It got to the point where people weren’t telling us they weren’t coming. They just assumed we would figure they weren’t coming,” Tristen said.

And one key guest definitely couldn’t come: Tristen’s father, who has some lung complications.

Their reception, scheduled at the Holiday Inn City Centre, no longer made sense when looking at the cost per potential guest.

“We were able to get all our money back, and at that point I felt really conflicted,” Kelli said.

“The day before, we were told we could have 10 people in the church, and I have six sisters and a brother, so my family alone is 10 people.”

These are the difficult decisions faced by couples worldwide. While COVID-19 has limited gatherings, major life events can and do go on – albeit nothing like most had planned.

The Jacksons had been engaged since December 2018. So they talked through it, and Tristen said something that resonated with his future wife:

“I feel like if we don’t go through with it, we let the circumstances win.”

So, in three days’ time, they planned a new wedding. The ceremony would still be at their church, and two of Kelli’s siblings were brought in to handle the music. The plan was for her other siblings to watch from the church lobby from behind glass.

When the big day arrived, they realized all siblings could walk down the aisle and then sit spaced far apart in the church – where there was plenty of room.

“But we had not rehearsed, so no one knew who they were with or where to go. Tristen was standing in the lobby when he was supposed to standing in the front,” Kelli said. “But I feel like we had really good attitudes about the whole thing. It’s not like we had a huge audience watching us mess up.”

But they did have an audience from afar. They streamed the ceremony live on Facebook, where Tristen’s dad also was able to watch.

“When the wedding started, there were maybe 15 people there, but we had it on Facebook live, so all our family could see it, and it was like this presence of people being there and watching you even though they weren’t physically there,” he said.

“And we did a really cool thing where we FaceTimed my dad, who couldn’t come, on an iPad and had professional pictures taken that way.”

Kelli’s friend made a cake – “and she did an amazing job and it tasted fantastic and it was beautiful” – Kelli said, and the gathering afterward was in her parents’ kitchen, where the couple had the first dance.

“They set up a bunch of tables and a head table, and we called Famous Dave’s and they were able to make food,” Tristen said. “And I had two best men and one couldn’t make it, so we FaceTimed him and plugged him into a speaker, and he gave his best man’s speech.”

They’re considering holding a larger event at a later date – especially so their grandparents can celebrate – “but honestly it was way better than I expected,” Kelli said.

“I have to be honest. I was really bummed for a long time. Every girl dreams about her wedding, and it felt like all my plans were blowing up. We both had expectations, but everything exceeded our expectations, and our family went above and beyond to make it awesome for us. If I had to have a word of advice to anyone getting married upcoming, it’s to rely and trust on each other.”

Impromptu plan

Across the country, Sioux Falls native Liz Lloyd ended up getting married in Florida one day before the Jacksons in a ceremony that was just as spur of the moment.

She and Grady Rhoney had talked about their future wedding and knew that while there weren’t many prerequisites, they would be tough to pull off.

“Each of our wants was for all her nieces and nephews and my two sons to be present, which posed a pretty big challenge because Liz’s family is in South Dakota and my boys are in Michigan and we live here in Florida,” Rhoney said.

The COVID-19 pandemic ended up creating an opportunity. With school moved online in Michigan, Rhoney’s sons came to Florida. Lloyd’s family was in town for an annual trip.

“Once all this happened, we talked about it some more and talked to our pastor who we wanted to do the ceremony, and he happened to be coming back into town and was more than willing,” Rhoney said. “So we thought everybody was right with God and he put everybody together here for a reason, so we went ahead with it.”

One of Lloyd’s nieces had some practical questions.

“She wondered what kind of dress I was going to wear and who was going to do my hair and makeup,” Lloyd said.

“And I said, ‘Well, you are doing my makeup and hair.’ And she’s 13. And really we just gathered some things from our home here that we collected and that are meaningful to both of us, and we got some orange roses and a bouquet of birds of paradise, and nature provided the rest.”

They held the ceremony spaced safely apart on a Marco Island beach and served coffee and fruit.

“It was very simple and not planned and whatever we could get at the grocery store but still very nice and beautiful,” Lloyd said, adding they might do a summer celebration with family but are content with how the wedding came together even if they don’t.

“Everyone we needed was there, and his dad and grandfather were FaceTimed in.”

Accelerated ceremonies

Jeremy Brech, owner of DJ Jer Events and Lighting Design, is in the thick of the wedding industry’s sudden scheduling shift.

“This definitely took a hard hit for us, and being a planner and watching people and helping them put their weddings together, I know it’s not an easy task,” he said. “The last thing we want people to do is stress.”

So Brech, an ordained officiant, put out an offer through social media, offering to perform a civil ceremony for free if couples wanted to go forward with a ceremony. He’s making the same offer for those wanting to get married April 4.

One couple took him up on it and held their ceremony with just the bride, groom and their kids at Meadow Barn at Country Orchards on March 20.

“They wanted to get married on this date because it had a lot of meaning,” he said, adding that people who have obtained a marriage license have to use it within 20 days or reapply.

“I wanted this available to show people there’s still hope,” Brech said. “Just because this happened doesn’t mean you can’t get married or won’t get married.”

He said those in the wedding industry are working together closely to reschedule when couples are choosing to have a celebration later in the year.

“I’m not going to have as much time at the lake this summer, but if I can help out the couples who are putting food on my table, we’re going to bend over backwards and do what we have to do. We’re seeing more Friday weddings come in, more Sundays,” Brech said.

“A lot of the bride and grooms have been really understanding, knowing the event got changed or moved and understanding they might have to go to a secondary venue or another option. They’ve been really good to work with.”

Venues adjust

Meadow Barn, which hosted the wedding Brech officiated, posted on its Facebook page that it is working to reschedule all April weddings and making contingency plans through mid-May.

“We have had a lot of tough phone calls this week, and I got to say we have the most awesome, level-headed, improvise-and-adapt brides and grooms we could ask for,” the business said.

“Our hearts go out to these couples and families who have been working so hard organizing and planning the perfect day just to have it all turned upside down last minute. We are in this together, and we will get through it together. I have a feeling that when life gets back on track that these disrupted and rescheduled weddings are going to be some of the most awesome and memorable celebrations that we have ever seen.”

Blue Haven Barn and Gardens will gain some capacity when it opens a second venue, The Atrium — scheduled for July. The business has been putting up virtual tours of the venue through social media and posting checklists that future brides can work on while they’re at home.

“We are so blessed by our event community and how they are willing to jump in and make adjustments with no questions asked,” the business wrote in a Facebook post.

Planning ahead

Brendan Harberts and Kendra Riley are still more than a month from their big day, but they already have made big changes to it.

Engaged in November 2018, they have decided to stick with their planned May 2 wedding but make it a small ceremony at Riley’s church.

“We just want to get married and start our life together,” Harberts said.

They have rescheduled their reception for Aug. 28 to make sure they could coordinate their vendors and photographers, he said.

Their venue, Emerald Pines Event Barn, is still under construction and easily moved their date.

“We would have been the first wedding, but obviously that isn’t going to happen now,” Harberts said. “All our vendors were awesome to work with, and they’ve been sending constant emails about rescheduling and what their policies are. It’s made this rescheduling process much easier.”

He’s grateful their wedding was still far enough away that adjusting was a bit easier, he said.

“What I’ve been telling people is don’t feel bad for us. We’re going to get married, and that’s the most important thing – that me and Kendra start our life together. Not having everything on our actual marriage day is a bummer, but the most important thing is we get to spend our life together.”